You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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