I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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