In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
