I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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