I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
