If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
don't judge my taste in strippers
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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