Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
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