He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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