Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Bang-toberfest begins!!
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
