i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
