its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
