I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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