You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
