Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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