Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
there is glitter all over my balls
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