Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
