I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
