OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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