I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
