the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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