I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
