Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize