Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
