I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
