Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
