help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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