Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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