i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
