dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I could fuck to npr.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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