I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
