Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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