Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
