I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
