You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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