Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
