PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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