kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
