Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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