Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Even my vagina gasped.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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