wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
