My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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