If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Help me help you realize you are a moron
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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