you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
