haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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