why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
