week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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