Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
