you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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