do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
