just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
