filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize