I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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