wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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