Betty ford says i'm here all night
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
