Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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