Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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