Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
