ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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