Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
