mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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