i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
