I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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