apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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