At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
