my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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