New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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