And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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