I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
