I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
