Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
