I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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