tell your sister to shave her snatch
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
