I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
