I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
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